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*** When IT kicks back in again***

****When IT kicks back in again****

 

IT is happening…

IT is crawling into me…

IT is looking for me…

No matter where I go, no matter where I try to hide – IT knows where I am and IT comes and gets me…

Without any obvious reason
Without any obvious agenda
Without any obvious plan

IT is just back – all of a sudden – why the fuck ever…

Is everything okay?

Am I really – really – on the right path?

Do the people who said “I love you” yesterday still love me today?

Does anyone actually care that I am here?

When will I finally fall apart?

Will I wake up tomorrow when I go to sleep today?

This fluttering feeling in my chest – the contraction that feels like a cold fist clenching around my heart – the weight on my shoulders that suddenly interrupts my lightness and flow…

IT is not as heavy as IT used to be a few years ago – thank goddess – but I have the feeling that IT will always be a part of my life.

IT is an innate part of our human experience – of our ego experience.

Because we forgot where we came from…

Because we have been traumatized by living in a world full of violence or by being survivors of violence ourselves…

Because we do not entirely believe that we are immortal souls – we want to – but not always we do…

Because our human body is so fragile and our tender hearts are so vulnerable…

Because we lack a deep sense of basic trust in ourselves and in the general goodness of life…

I am here, I am healthy, I am surrounded by kindhearted people and tomorrow I go explore another incredibly beautiful part of the earth…

But right now IT creeps into my heart and calls for my attention.

You could name IT

Fear
Doubt
Fragility
Loneliness

But would that change anything?

Would that not just distract us from the actual sensation that calls for our attention and love?

Why not saying hello to IT – whatever IT is…

Why not pausing for a moment and just going into stillness – going into curiosity about what calls for our attention and love?

Just once

No distraction
No running away
No pretending IT does not exist

IT is a part of you – if you want IT or not…

You better want IT there
You better love IT all the way home
You better pay attention to IT
You better listen to what IT has to say

IT could just be an old thing – your mind trying to play tricks on you again, like always…

The mind never gets tired of these sending fear and worry games…

Then you only need to realize that and sooth IT with a bit of love, words of affirmation and ice cream

Or IT can hold a tremendous chance for healing – if only you would listen…

IT could tell you where you live a misaligned life…

Where your soul hungers for deeper connection…

What you need to look at to shift your experience of being a human for the better…

Then you could give it a try with the stillness, the breathing, the journaling, the listening.

Whatever it is that gets IT to reveal its message…

IT is not the enemy – your fear of IT is…

Are you willing to be brave and sit with IT?

If I can – you can, too…

All Love

Lucya Lalita

2019-07-16T16:45:37+00:00

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