**** The roller coaster ride called San Marcos ****
I am currently living in a crater of a giant super volcano surrounded by active and inactive other big to huge volcanos.
To say that this stirs up quite something is a vast understatement.
I had one of the best days on Friday – followed by a complete nervous system breakdown on Saturday and up up up up up again today…
But more balanced, more integrated than Friday.
But first things first:
I had my first Pathway to Pleasure Class on Friday and even though only one person showed up it was INCREDIBLY GOOD because I could focus completely on her journey and we both were buzzing with aliveness, excitement and ecstasy after the session!
Afterwards we went to a Mantra Circle in the Ashram and it was THE BEST Mantra Circle I ever had in my whole life!
I was soaking up the ecstasy of the group and mixed it with my own to transmit it back to the group again and we all flew higher and higher with each Mantra.
In the evening I had one of the best concerts in my life – a local band playing a mixture of Reagge, Hiphop and Cumbia! The place was ON FIRE
And then it happened…
My knee dislocated again while I was dancing – the first time after 3 or 4 years….
Normally this would mean no walking for at least a week…
But I sat down, used the new healing technique I learned from my new teacher called psychic surgery and IT WAS GONE IN 3 MINUTES – I was able to dance again as if nothing had happened!
But I understood the warning.
My knee dislocated because I was completely ungrounded and out of balance. The last 6 weeks were a pure firework and I have given myself not enough time to rest and integrate all that happened since I left Germany…
So even though my knee was not causing me trouble it made me seriously think and feel the next day – about the choices I make, the focus I put and the intentions I set.
And I realized that I, deep down inside, feel pretty lonely these days…
I am surrounded by people and had quite a few intense interactions in the last 1.5 weeks – yes – but none of them went as deep as I am deep down inside long for to nurture my soul and not only my body.
This realization left me devastated and I called my main partner to connect with him – which is quite hard via Skype.
and realizing that it will take another 2 months at least until we meet again left me in even more pain as I was before.
I tried to meditate it away and switch back into appreciation for what I have but it just did not work – at all… I haven´t felt THAT miserable in a loooooong time!
So the knee-message was very clear: Slow down or we slow you down by dislocating your knee even more… Thank you universe – no need to go harder – I got it!
So I reached out to the person I felt the deepest connection to so far and asked him if he would be open and willing to connect on a deeper level.
With complete transparency, authenticity, tears, emotional intimacy and being present with everything that this will bring up.
It took him two hours to feel it through and I am blessed that he agreed to give it a go.
So I went to his place and we had some really good, open and honest talks about the past and the now…
My soul felt grateful and nurtured and it shifted me back into my center.
Today we went to an ecstatic dance party very high up in the hills.
Spectacular view, spectacular music, spectacular dance and most of all spectacular people!
It is REALLY easy here to love the people.
Plus I got offered another space to teach where I can go even deeper and do some nice and intense conscious connection exercises.
I went downhill for dinner with a guy I met at the dance and afterwards we went to the lake to share a joint and even more deep talks.
I went home at 8 pm and did my meditation and Tantric self-exercise.
I feel really good, grounded, centered and integrated.
I allowed myself to go wild and fly at the dance and landed safely instead of getting out of balance and hurt like on Friday.
I am learning and I am listening.
And I already start to attract different people with the ability and willingness to go deep – just by the intention I set yesterday.
Instant manifestation is a real deal here at the lake!
I am immensely grateful for every high and every low – and I am learning to be appreciative of the area in between the extremes as well…