**** Poly Tales: “Ready” for Polyamory? #3 – The happy end ****
Today I finally get to the point that actually inspired me to start the Poly Tales series.
But I felt this long prelude was necessary to give you the bigger picture and it serves as an introduction for the future tales.
But first things first…
I ended the last Poly Tale with my experience of sitting in the fire of my own heart and observing the pain and the fear while finding compassion for this part of me that experiences the fear without allowing this part to take over my body and act out the fear.
Sounds kinda easy – but believe me when I say it was one of the hardest schools I had to go through.
And believe me as well when I say it was one of the most rewarding things I ever did for my own psychological, emotional, mental and spiritual evolution.
One of the most important lessons on my way to unconditional love and true internal piece and freedom!
Am I completely cured and totally free of jealousy?
The next big lesson came when I was in Mexico and my third partner told me about a new sweet friend he made and how wonderful she is and how much fun and intimacy they share…
It was not the MOTHERFUCKING OUTSCH when Nick used the wrong name while saying “I love you”.
But I was far away from only experiencing compersion – even if I experienced some. Feelings are rarely black and white.
It is only a few weeks that we know each other.
It is so fresh.
The decision to come to Peru with us is so fresh.
How easy would it be for him to say “You know babe, I love you and stuff but really – I feel I need to stay here in Sweden with my friends”.
I told him about that part of me (yes, I experience it nowadays not as the entire me that feels this fear but as an inner child part – thanks to all the inner child work I have done in my personal and professional development) and I asked him for reassurance.
I told him I want him to enjoy his time with her – but this part of me needs to hear that he still sticks to the plan that we have made for our future.
It really is hard for me to imagine doing it without him.
He gave me this reassurance in the most loving and compassionate way.
Thank you for that, babe! It really meant the world to me in this moment!
Looking back, this was the first time I handled my jealousy in a mature and grown up way.
Neither denying it and pretending I am okay nor acting it out but feeling into it and expressing the different parts.
The part that is happy and wants him to enjoy his time and the part that was in need for reassurance.
I was truly truly proud of myself.
I have come such a long way from acting bitchy and territorial to honoring both his and my feelings.
A few days ago the lover of my partner reached out to me via voicemail – expressing her jealousy towards me in a very gentle, mature and loving way.
I was truly impressed and my heart started to open up to her in a whole new way!
I responded with utmost gratitude and compassion.
I truly felt her.
After all, he will go away in a few weeks to live with me.
I truly truly felt her grief for this precious relationship to end.
It was such a heartfelt, gentle and loving contact – I rarely experienced this at any other point in my life.
I came to a deeper understanding why he loves her!
And I love you too, Ida, if you should read this…
I hope that our paths will cross one day in the future so I can give her the biggest hug and express my respect and gratitude for her in person.
This morning my partner sent me a picture of him and her – and my heart was filled up with compersion.
Both looking loving and gentle into the camera.
Sending me love through their eyes and telling me everything is alright between all of us.
Look, universe, how far we all have come in our attempt to liberate love!
I am truly truly proud of all of us!
And yet I can´t wait to have my whole tribe here with me at the lake!
We will have a blast – and learn and heal so much more on the way!
We are never “ready” for Polyamory when we define “being ready” as being free of our jealousy issues.
We are ready when we desire the growth and the freedom more than we fear the pain and discomfort!
Love is the only thing that becomes more when we share it.
This is the end of the first Poly Tale – I am curious about the next – and I hope you are, too!