**** On feeling lost – and how to find yourself again ****
In just over a month I turn 32.
I own a backpack, 16 pieces of clothing, 3 books, a laptop and a phone.
Last night I had a breakdown because I felt so freaking lost in this world.
I felt light years away from home. I felt so small in this big, confusing, scary and unpredictable world. I felt like I have nothing. I am nothing. I never will “get there” – wherever there is…
I moved houses approximately 42 times in this life. At some point I stopped counting.
I have 2 people that I call “best friend” who are a million miles away and my mom. No other family is left.
I am on the other side of the world where I know almost nobody, don´t really speak the language and the culture is still a little scary – especially for women.
Just a few days ago a woman has been murdered here.
Last night I was feeling just so damn tired.
Tired of fighting. Tired of moving. Tired of being scared. Tired of trying myself out. Tired of wanting to “get somewhere” and “be someone”. Tired of constant change.
I just wanted it to end. The struggle to end. The fighting to end. The trying to end. The constant becoming to end.
Just arriving. Landing. Grounding. Resting. Chilling…
There is a part of me that desires stability. That desires a family. That desires security. That desires to just chill. To stop running around. To stop moving. To start grounding myself and grow roots.
This part of me is showing up especially when I feel overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by a world that has gone insane and where I don´t know if I am ever able to find sanity and peace of mind in.
Overwhelmed because I don´t know if we will make it to the other side. To the new paradigm. To the golden age that lives so vividly in my imagination and my vision and that I stand for with all that I have and all that I am.
Overwhelmed by the amount of fear and pain and drama and violence that 99% of the population face daily to various degrees.
But there is another part of me that, whenever I found even a little stability in my life, got so heavily bored and lethargic that it had to destroy it again and look for new growth opportunities.
A new job. A new relationship. A new country. A new course. A new whatever it was to feel excited and alive again.
This part of me desires to run wild and free. To go out into the world. To constantly gather experience and knowledge and wisdom. To constantly expand my horizon and my comfort zone.
For this part of me nothing is certain – and it doesn´t need to be.
This part knows that everything external is always temporary. That everything external can always be taken away by other people or nature or circumstances.
A partner can leave you. From a job you can get fired. A house can burn down. A vision can change.
It is your decision if you see it as a disaster or a chance.
This part knows that I am incredibly rich. Unbelievably rich. Filthy rich even.
Rich in experience. Rich in friendships. Rich in talents and interests and intelligence and beauty and spirit and vision and love.
And that these immaterial things are the things that are eternal.
That my soul will take them with it when I leave this body and this plane of existence.
No one can take away from me what I have learned and experienced.
No one can take away my memories. No one can take away my connection to source and my spirit guides that I established through facing incredible hardship and many many crises from a very young age.
Yes. There is this part of me that desires stability. That desires to rest.
This part reminds me of taking it slow. Of being good to myself. Of taking care of myself. Of going to the lake and eat ice cream instead of finishing my homepage. Of soothing my nervous system.
I am incredibly rich because I am resilient.
And I am resilient because I learned and experienced so much in my life by constantly expanding my comfort zone.
I am resilient because I redefined my identity so many times.
I am resilient because I learned how to take care of myself. Because I accumulated so many tools and techniques in the last years to heal and sooth my nervous system and my psyche.
I am resilient because I have established my connection to spirit.
Yes. I desire to grow roots one day.
But for now I keep leaping and growing and expanding my consciousness and my comfort zone.
And I keep resting and grounding and stabilizing myself in my connection to spirit and my inner wealth and abundance.
I was not able to get back to sleep but I meditated about 3 hours and received the first information about a new program I am loving to share with you.
If you wanna learn more about how to become resilient yourself please keep reading.
I am about to create a group coaching program that covers the most effective ways to become resilient and to create a life that truly excites you.
A life that helps you grow and expand and learn and trust and create your personal connection to spirit.
A blissful life – even if you have your occasional breakdowns.
You can learn how to care for your inner parts that are afraid to pursue your dreams and feel lost in this incredibly complex and confusing world.
You can be gentle and compassionate with these parts without letting their fear hold you back.
You can create an inner compass and a guiding north star that helps you navigate through life to the best of your ability in every given moment.
The secret is not to avoid uncomfortable feelings and breakdowns but to know how to get back on track. How to find security and comfort in your inner world and your connection to source when your outer world falls apart.
All you need for this is the willingness and courage to expand your comfort zone and the commitment to keep going – in your own gentle but steady pace!
The tools and techniques I will be sharing in this course are a mixture of exercises, practices and meditations from the Taotantric Arts and my Integrated Embodiment Coaching approach.
If you are interested in this new program leave me a comment and I will put you on my list for getting a $100 early bird special discount and I will send you all the details as soon as I figured them out myself.
Keep remembering who you are and keep growing, flowing, glowing and going!