**** I am giving up on my business – for now****
And this is a celebration! My heart is exploding with joy and it feels like a massive weight being lifted off my shoulders!
But WHY THE FUCK would I do this?!
I invested an incredible amount of money and time into my coaching certification and in building my website, writing content and feeling into how and whom I want to serve with this much needed work!!!!
All my sails are set for success. I have my first clients and they already getting amazing results! I am overjoyed and so in love with this work.
So here is why:
I have 2 hearts dwelling in my chest and they were fighting all last year. I had no idea how to bring them together. They are so contradictory that they seem absolutely incompatible.
One wants to go out into the world, be part of the collective movement, step into my leadership and teacher role and travel the world with my work.
The other wants to go into the Peruvian rainforest, sit in ceremony with Madre Ayahuasca (a powerful, magical, interdimensional plant teacher), study the inner, the upper, and the underworld, shed all the layers of my ego and withdraw from society – completely.
In my last cacao ceremony something inside of me cracked open. I cried so heavily like I haven´t cried in months! Maybe even years. It felt like drowning in sorrow and pain. It felt like it would never ever stop!
Yesterday I attended a mantra singing circle and had a talk with my beloved friend Kara who studied shamanism and sat in ceremony in the jungle for the last 10 years. I asked her how she brings together these two different parts of her life.
She gave me a massively and brutally honest answer. You have to compromise if you want both.
I thanked her and sat down in the mantra circle. This sentence sat down with me and the Ayahuasca vain necklace that I am wearing started pulsating like crazy.
I realized I am not willing to compromise. So I have to make a decision.
And the decision was easy.
I will give up on my business and go into the jungle – for however long it takes to feel the calling to go out into the world again…
I felt an immense sadness and at the same time I felt a heavy weight lifted off me.
I remember a few months ago I had the vision that I am building a house which I will burn down when it is finished.
And I will build an even bigger one after that when it is time.
I even told one of my partners about it. But I forgot.
I got so into building the house that I forgot that I will only build it to let go of it – but nonetheless I have to build it… This house is my website and my business.
My path is – and this I know for years already – to bring Tantra and Plant Medicine Work together.
I studied (Neo)Tantra quite intensely over the last 5 years.
Now it is time to study (with) the plants!
When I come out again I will create something that does not yet exist on this planet – because I came here to create it. And my Ecovillage Community will be the home of this creation!
I will finish my graduation process and then I am free and ready to disappear into the jungle – for however long it takes!
Beware, world, when I am done in there! I will come back with a BANG <3
PS: Of course I will keep on blogging and even start making videos to document the whole process.
It is way to interesting and exciting to not do that!
I am just stopping to taking on clients and pushing my business forward so I can fully immerse myself into my inner experience without any outside responsibilities.