**** How to react to someone mistreating you ****
I wrote lately about allowing people to hate you because it makes you less affected by it when it happens… Because you cannot change if people want to hate you, right?
AND of course that´s not the only thing that helps…
What also helps is changing your reaction to it and what you make it mean both about them (frikken assholes!) and about you (am I really that bad of a person to deserve this?! Why does this always happen to me?!?)
So what is the “right” reaction to people treating you badly or them saying bad thing to or about you?
First it is important to distinguish between different types of people:
1. someone you actually know, like and respect and who normally likes and respects you (like a friend or family member)
2. someone who you are familiar with but don´t have a closer relationship with and cannot get away from so easily (like a colleague or a person of your yoga class)
3. a total stranger that just chooses to hate you for whatever fucked up reason they might have
this step is super important because it needs completely different reactions to deal with them
here is how you can handle these different types of people
1. Often when someone starts to treat us badly who normally does not it is because of their own hurt feelings.
Maybe you said or did something you were totally unaware of that caused them emotional trouble and they lack the proper communication skills to speak about it with you. So they choose to mistreat you back.
In this case it is important to open up to them and be vulnerable and ask questions.
Find a quiet moment to open up to them – even if it is scary AF – and to tell them you are confused about their behavior because it´s not what you are used to from their side.
Ask if they were aware of this behavior hurting you.
Maybe they are not. Just like we ourselves are sometimes not aware that we hurt people.
If they are ask for their reasons to treat you like this.
If the person is not open to conversation, misuses your openness and vulnerability or is repeatedly mistreating you unawarely it maybe is time to treat them like a person of the second category.
2. These people are excellent teachers for us. They teach us how to stand our ground without shooting back because of our triggers or hurt feelings.
And even more important: They teach us self-worth and self-respect when we choose to accept the lesson!
It is super important that you first and foremost center yourself in the truth of who you are!
If you yourself know who you are and who you are not it is very difficult for another person to shake that up.
They can only make us insecure about something we are actually insecure about.
For example if someone tells you you have a very ugly green nose and you look into the mirror and see: Nope. No green nose here – why should you be offended.
Same goes when a person criticizes your work ethic or how your butt looks in your yoga pants.
As long as you know that your work ethic is impeccable and your butt looks amazing it will not affect you.
When you have centered and grounded yourself in the truth of who you are its time to stand your ground and forbid the person to treat you like this.
Tell them very clearly that you are not going to accept their behavior and call them out on the bullshit they are doing without letting your emotions take over.
Tell them the consequences of their behavior without threatening them. Just so they know and can choose how to go about this issue next time.
How you do this of course varies from person to person and the relationship with this person. But always make sure not to loose your temper and not to go into victimhood – both sets you up for making things worse.
3. If it is a person who do not know you do not need to know their reason for treating you badly nor need you stand your ground. You can if you want to but you can absolutely choose to ignore them and go somewhere else.
You can do this with an open heart and without hating that person back but you absolutely do not need to waste your energy on a stranger that just chooses to fuck you up for whatever reason…
Often we choose to waste our energy because we feel the need to defend ourselves or to stand our ground but I feel this is the habitual reaction of the ego that loves to get involved in drama…
What about you?!
How do you choose to react when someone mistreats you?
Are you happy with your chosen reality?
What childhood wounds get triggered by people mistreating you?
What do you actually count as “mistreating”?
What is something you just cannot forgive – and why?