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*** How to invite more gentleness into your life ***

*** How to invite more gentleness into your life ***

As I sat down tonight for drumming and chanting I was worried for a moment that I would break my drum.

I was hitting my poor baby so hard… She really did not deserve that!

The rain… I blame the rain that was pattering down on my metal roof…

I felt frustration… Frustration about feeling STUCK – STUCK STUCK STUCK!

FUCK!

So much frustration and dis-ease with myself… Of having such high visions for myself and the world but not executing on it nearly as much as I could.

So many “shoulds” on my to-do list and not enough time in the day…

Even my pleasure practices feel like a should because everything feels like a should…

Such a desire to rest in my spirit but so much restlessness in my blood and bones…

So much buzzing – so much fire – so much ENERGY!

But no clear direction to channel it into…

10000 visions and possibilities and chances

But to imagine to choose just one or two and let go of the others feels excruciating!

FUCK

How to get out of this?

Great Goddess I pray to you – help me to see clearly – what is my path? My way? My dharma?

Listening for the answer…

Silence…

No great Goddess to send down rays of the golden white light of clarity into my brain…

FUCK

A quote flew by in my thoughts…

“The true voice of your heart you hear only in silence”

And all the mental chatter just vanished…

“You are too hard to yourself” the true voice of my heart whispered…

“I know…” I replied.

“What you search also searches you”

“I know…”

“It will find you – and you will find it.”

“I know…”

“The more you let go the faster will it happen”

We both sat in silence together and I was searching in myself for the part of me that is pure tender, gentle and compassionate self-acceptance.

And I found it in my heart as always… And when I allowed it to fill me up it whispered

“You are safe and you belong”

I am – and you are, too!

All Love

Lucya Lalita

2019-07-16T16:06:47+00:00

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