**** How to approach a man´s heart (and make him desire to connect) ****
In addition to my last share about how to approach a woman sexually I feel the calling to write a pendant for the women about how to approach a man emotionally.
Because these two things are way more similar than most people know or would even think.
I studied a bit of the Taoist approach to sexuality during my year of studying love, sex and relationship coaching.
The Taoist tradition speaks of energetic poles.
They use the word positive and negative but they don´t mean it in a judgmental way. They mean it in the same way a battery has a plus and a minus pole to work.
A man´s positive, plus, active or yang (all means the same) pole is his PENIS.
With him he penetrates and goes out into the world. From there he shares the love with his woman.
A woman´s positive, active pole is her HEART.
That becomes obvious by looking at her breasts reaching out into the world as a nurturing expression and extension of her heart.
A woman´s negative, receptive, passive or yin pole is her VAGINA.
Here she receives a man when he enters her innermost intimate sanctuary. And as I wrote in my share about approaching a woman sexually it needs a lot of gentleness, care, softness and love to make a woman open her receptive pole to another human being.
A man´s negative, receptive, passive or yin pole is his HEART.
And here we reach the point of today´s share. For a man to open his heart, his receptive pole, to another human being it needs the same amount of tenderness, gentleness, softness, care and love!
But what I see and hear as a human being from my friends and as a coach from the people I work with is that a lot of women handle a mans tender heart in a way that is not appropriate and not helpful for what they actually want – an exchange of love and connection.
Just like the men approach a woman all too often in a way that is not appropriate nor helpful for his desire – which is actually the same – an exchange of love and connection.
See folks, we men and women are not so fundamentally different after all. We just operate from the opposite polarity.
So what happens when a woman tramples into a mans heart space with the energy of demanding, nagging, accusing, judging, needing, wanting, awaiting, craving for it to open and to connect to hers as it happens very very often in an argument or even in normal everyday life?
The same that happens when a man approaches the vagina of a woman with that energy of demand, insensitivity and need.
They either open, but not fully, because the heart of the man feels unsafe in this environment and it opens only on the surface level. This all too often causes resentment over the long term.
Or he stays closed, runs away, goes into denial and withdraws completely.
On the other side of the script is the woman – confused because she does not know what she did wrong. She only wanted to share her overflowing energy and love… Same as the man when he is not received sexually. He is confused. He only wanted to share his overflowing energy and love.
So how to approach a mans heart that it feels safe to open up fully?
The key words for women here are GENTLENESS and SPACIOUSNESS – where the keyword for men was service.
Because for most men FREEDOM and autonomy are one of the highest values where for women LOVE and connection are one of the highest values.
Of course this is very generally speaking so look at it as a rule of thumb.
In fact it often comes down to the formula: What you send out is what you get back.
So when you, dear sister, approach a mans heart, do it from a place of gentleness, love and spaciousness.
Approach him with compliments. Tell him how safe, loved, cared for, appreciated (or whatever is true for you) he makes you feel. Give love without the expectation of getting something back.
In a way it is in fact very similar to the sexual service approach I recommended to the men.
When we feel that he gives us pleasure only to get something from us it stinks. We can feel it. We can feel his hidden agenda.
Give love, compliments, appreciation, adoration and everything that you desire to get from him WITHOUT the expectation and the need to get it back.
And do you remember what I recommended the men when they are too horny to be sexually patient and unconditional?
They should go and give themselves an orgasm before even approaching his woman.
The same goes for you.
When you feel so undernourished that you are desperate for his love – go and do something that fills you up.
Go cuddle with a girlfriend. Go eat ice cream. Go and take a luscious bath and oil your skin with heavenly scented oils. Do whatever works for you to fill yourself up with self love to the brim.
And from this heartfullness approach the heart of your man.
With gentleness, compliment and spaciousness
Without expectation or demand
And just see what happens
Especially in long term relationships it might take a while before a mans heart feels safe enough to open – just as it might take a while for a woman´s vagina to fully open after years of being mistreated.
Be patient. Be loving. And fill yourself up with all the self love you can generate.