**** Happiness is an inside job ****
Happiness is easy. We all know what makes us happy. But actually doing the things that bring us joy instead of spiraling deeper into our own shit sometimes is the most hardest thing to do.
Why is it so hard to make this choice even though we know we would feel much better after whatever it is that fills our cup?
One of the main reasons get often overlooked and rarely addressed.
The neuronal pathways in our brain are primed to sadness, complain, anger, fear, shame and confusion much more than to happiness, joy, laughter, lightness and ease.
Why is that so?!
Because we all have experienced low grade and/or high grade trauma in our life.
We have been raised by deeply traumatized parents in a deeply traumatized society.
And so have they.
Even more so our great grandparents.
We are just beginning to clear and transform the crazily traumatic history of the last 2000+ years on this planet.
At least in the western world. In other parts the tragedies of war and other insanities continue.
Most of our ancestors haven’t had the luxury that we have.
The luxury to work on and heal their traumas.
They had to work hard on the fields and in the house to bring food on the tables and raise the children.
No machines, electricity and running water freed them of heavy work.
On top of that wars have shook their psyche and they had to face a lot more repression.
Speaking about personal issues was a big taboo.
Everybody kept their struggle to themselves.
So we as the children not only of our parents but as well of our whole ancestral line have inherited their messages and belief systems about how bad, dangerous, joyless, hard, unfair and confusing this world is.
Even if no one ever told us directly.
We as children have been incredibly intuitive, sensitive and receptive creatures and picked up on the distress of our caretakers.
We have literally sucked in trauma and stress with our mothers milk.
If we want to acknowledge it or not.
The messages and belief systems of our ancestors have shaped our brain.
If we are lucky nothing worse happened on top of that.
But for most of us there has been more.
Most of us experienced some form of emotional, physical or sexual violence which as well shaped our neuronal pathways and made us habitually fearful, defensive and unhappy.
And we all know how damn hard it is to change a habit…
The thing itself that we want to create a new habit on is mostly very easy.
Like being happy.
But creating the new neuronal pathway for actually choosing it requires constant attention, training and practice.
Most people can’t be bothered to invest that effort.
They rather choose to stay unhappy.
And that’s okay.
It’s called free will.
For the rest of us there are hundreds of meters of self help books, courses, retreats, therapies and coaching out there.
But what is equally or even more important and actually inevitable is to form support networks, practice groups, circles and communities.
We need each other to constantly remind us about the new choices we wanted to make.
Because it’s so easy to drive on the old neuronal pathways instead of the new.
We need each other as well to catch each other when we fall back into those old habits.
It is so easy to beat ourselves up internally for falling back.
We need reminders that falling back actually means we have made some progress in the first place.
And that “fail” actually means “first attempt in learning”.
My deep desire is to form such a support network.
Both online and offline.
I want to come together with people who are eager to do the work that is necessary and who REALLY want to make new choices – and stick to them.
In their everyday life, in their love life and in their sex life.
For me these 3 aspects of a human life belong together – because they all belong to each one of us!
We all are deeply sexual beings, we all long for and thrive on love and we all have an everyday life with lots of struggles and challenges.
If we only change one part of our life the others creep up from the shadows and sabotage our success.
We need to think and act integrated and holistically and change on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, sexually – because these parts of us are not separated but influence each other.
My online support network is the community around this page right now.
But I aim to create something in the future for people who REALLY want to do the work.
My offline support network will be my ecovillage community in Peru.
Next level shit for those who REALLY REALLY wanna do the work – together with me and my closest people.
Intense, challenging and endlessly rewarding!!!
I sincerely hope you will be one of them in the future. Because I love you and I care for you. No matter if I know you in person (yet) or not.
I know how powerful and life changing this work is and all I want is to bring it out into the world to as many people as possible. To those who are READY for it!
Happiness is a choice.
I hope you make it. Every second of every minute of every day of your life!
What about you?!
Are you making the choice?
Do you have the willingness to do the work?
Do you see that you both have the luxury and the responsibility to break the cycle of Trauma from your ancestral line?
What do you need to make the conscious choice for happiness more often in your life?