*** Embracing all seasons of life ***
2019 took almost everything away from me.
My 3 relationships, my path down to Peru to build my community, my new project at the lake and the relationship that came with it – and now it took my mobility during my trip to Thailand.
I had my first scooter lesson, panicked and crashed…
Nothing is broken but my knee was completely dislocated for about an hour.
It was one of the most painful moments ever in my life.
Gotta be in a cast for a week and then find out how to proceed further.
If I can take my flight back to Guatemala or not.
I have been most of my life very healthy – fought my battles more in the realms of emotions than in my body.
Only had one operation in my life – same knee – 13 years ago.
Of course, the question WHY ME – WHY NOW? What have I done to deserve this???? came up strongly.
First the completely shift of paths and now this…
Normally my pattern would be to stay inside myself and only come out again when I found the answer. Which I haven’t yet at all…
A part of me feels embarrassed and like I did something wrong.
Like I deserve to be punished by the universe for something I don’t even know about.
But the way bigger part of me started remembering one of the teachings I got during my coaching certification – the teaching of the seasons in our life.
Just as the year we, too, go through seasons. On a macro level – birth, youth, ripening and death – but as well on micro levels.
Sometimes we feel so full of energy, unstoppable and on top of our game – other times we feel tired, exhausted, depressed or treated unfair by life…
Over and over again we hear from people who´s biggest crises were their biggest wake up calls.
The darkest hours were before the dawn of the most beautiful mornings.
The biggest gifts in life came from the biggest traumas…
How graceful can we move through the cycles of life?
How humble can we stay while being on top of the world and how much faith can we keep up while going through loss, pain, winter and darkness?
I took my health and my body functionality for granted almost all my life.
I was grateful for my improved mental and emotional health because I worked hard to achieve it. But by putting so much attention on these aspects I all too often forgot about my body.
Maybe that is one aspect of the teaching – maybe something completely different will reveal itself through this.
Maybe I was prevented from something way worse.
I heard of a girl who died in a scooter accident on the way back from a dance a few weeks ago…
Who knows… Not me – at least not right now…
Trust and surrender were the themes of this trip for me – never did I think they would play out in this field…
All that being said – I am doing good.
I am calm. Carrying myself gracefully – as gracefully as I can.
Not overobsessing in thoughts of why. Not victimizing myself towards life.
Of course it sucks – not my desired outcome of this trip…
But the harm is done – nothing I can do about it now other than embracing the winter season, eating a ton of mango, watching all the courses I bought over the last months and didn’t take the time to watch yet and hoping for the best…
2019 took almost everything away from me – but it did not take my faith, my mental and emotional well-being, my desire to grow from whatever life presents to me and my love for this world.
This is so far my biggest teaching – to see how far I have come in my mental and emotional strength.