**** Beautiful Light Sensual Magic ****
“I am so happy I feel this deep energetic connection to a girl I don´t want to sleep with.” he said.
I was both stunned and confused by this statement that came a bit out of the blue after we sat in my room and finished reading our poems to each other.
“But I feel a strong desire to just do you good.” he added.
“You are so amazingly sensitive and delicate. I adore your body. I just want to make you relax and feel good.”
His words, accompanied by his fingertips running down my spine, made my whole system melt – instantly.
I trust him. I don´t know why I trust him but I do.
I never had a man saying to me he wants to give me pleasure without wanting sex.
Does this even exist?!?
I got raised to be careful with men.
I got taught by life not to trust men.
They want to take advantage of you and they only think with their cocks.
I mean, after all this happened far too often in my life to not be true, right?
The moment he shifted from his head to his heart I felt he is speaking the truth.
Even tough a part of me was still confused.
But my body accepted the gentle strokes on my arms and my back.
Happily and willingly.
Within minutes I dropped into a deep space of energetic bliss and sensual movement and sound.
Within minutes I completely lost my mind in his arms. Feeling endlessly safe and on line.
This story is by far the most possible counterpoint to the story I shared a few days ago – Beautiful Dark Sensual Magic.
The gentleness, the care, the affection, the admiration for what I am and the selflessness is a very rare gift a man can give to a woman.
Almost or actually even more rare than confident leadership.
And I only had that happen to me in professional bodywork sessions.
Of course there were men in my life accepting the boundaries I set around sexual interaction – but this statement actually coming from a man is surprisingly relaxing.
I felt the tension in my arms and shoulders drop when I realized I don´t need to slow him down nor do I need to protect myself.
All I need to do is trust.
Trust him and his words and the energy behind his words.
Trust my gut that he actually speaks his truth without a hidden agenda.
As an empath I smell the rotten smell of hidden agendas instantly.
After I checked he means what he said all I had to do is surrender. Let go. Breath. Enjoy.
To write this reminds me of the story about my encounter with the Beautiful Dark Sensual Magic.
It was as well about surrender. Letting go. Trust. Enjoy.
And at the same time it is as different from it as it can be.
The universe answered my questions with a confirmation for what I actually knew already to be true but still had some doubts around:
Tantra and BDSM are two sides of the same medal if played out with love, integrity and connection.
When I exploded with waves after waves of energetic ecstasy and bliss from just getting my arms and my back lightly stroked I found myself in the same deep meditative no-mind state as when getting pressed against the wall with a hand over my mouth and the other around my throat.
Both acts of deep worship for the sensual goddess I am.
Both spaces filled with love and appreciation and respect and care.
Both times deep soul nourishment and endless gratitude for the incredible amount of connection and pleasure!
Yet both encounters expressions of the other end of the spectrum.
I don´t know how I manage to attract so much goodness into my life recently.
I just know that I am deeply in awe of what´s happening to me, inside of me and around me that teaches me about letting go and giving up the level of tension and control I held so long in my muscles, my body and my whole system.
As a professional spaceholder it is oftentimes not easy to step out of the leadership role.
Yet it was what all of me was so deeply longing for and it finally got answered.
I feel the shift that I had to make inside of me to make this possible is the realization:
I am worthy! I am worthy and I am safe!
I told this to my nervous system constantly over the last 10 months. I rewired my brain so it is able to accept this as truth and create my reality according to this new truth.
THIS is how change and transformation happens. You don´t notice it until you actually get to experience the new reality.
Until then we just have to believe and trust that the effort we put into our transformation will pay off eventually.
I am a believer and I create my reality. And if I can – you can, too!
What about you?!
Do you allow goodness to flow to you?
Do you feel worthy of worship and safe to surrender?
What would you need to know to be true to attract your desires sexual expression into your life?